Shame

Hello people!

Its me again and this time I am going to talk about shame . Now I always have a reason for writing whatever I write. This time its an article that I came across. You can go check it out here —-> https://www.scoopwhoop.com/How-Taboo-Around-Sex-In-India-Broke-A-Marriage/#.hk9kj0hat . I cannot vouch for the originality of the story or rather the experience mentioned in it. But it does not seem like something that is far-off. I would be lying if I say we don’t treat sex as such a taboo topic and when I say we, I mean the society as a whole.

Yes,we do crack those dirty jokes and have the awkward sex-ed classes but that’s about it. But, most of us are incapable of holding a proper conversation on sex. (OH! YES. I said it). When I asked a guy friend of mine what is wrong with talking about sex, he got very annoyed. At that point of time, I was standing up for the thought that women can also masturbate and fantasize if they want to and that it is perfectly normal ( I still believe that). He ( a very very close friend of mine) called me up and told me “Ithokkeyenthinaa koovi vilikaaane? Ithaaano ninnte feminism? Ni nalla oru veetile kutti elle?!” (Translation: Why do you have go around saying all this crap? Is this your feminism? Don’t you come from a morally good family?!) I did not know what to tell him. I still don’t because it makes no sense to me. These people from “morally good” families can watch Deepika Padukone and Sunny Leone in skimpy clothes with saliva dripping out of their mouths (okay,maybe, not thaaat much) but it is hai-ram-shame-shame when it comes to  completely physically normal things like sexual desires. The problem with associating sex with shame for the first eighteen or twenty years of your life is that you are going to take a long loooong time to get adjusted to it when it springs on your face. The problem with not talking openly about sex and having proper sex education is that it becomes something with a lot of unanswered questions. Either you romanticize it waaaay too much (that may lead to disappointment or that’s what I have heard) or you are just disgusted by it or you are just plain ignorant. Now, please, don’t jump into conclusions and say that I am promoting sex or whatever. I am just saying its a normal human thing. Its even a physiological need in Maslow’s need hierarchy theory!!

Another completely human process which is unavoidable that is associated with shame is menstruation. Some people have a problem with me telling that I am bleeding ( which I actually am). Some people have a problem with me asking for a pad out loud. Even now in college, if I get my periods and I don’t have a spare pad, I have to act like I am some ninja on a mission and go all undercover for a freaking sanitary napkin! Stop treating like its such a big deal! Trust me, you want me to bleed because if I didn’t you would call me impotent or barren or meaner names. Get over it. It happens every month. We have all learned about it in 8th grade Biology. It happens to your sister, your friend and your mother (which is the reason you even exist!) and it is going to happen till she is in her fifties.

If you sense anger in my tone here, it is because I’m kinda angry that we associate shame with perfectly normal things like this but most of us are not ashamed when we fat sham or bully people. We don’t feel ashamed when we walk past that woman who was being hit by her husband because it is “none of our business” (This is something I am also guilty of). We don’t feel ashamed when we isolate someone who might be a little different. We don’t feel ashamed when we don’t respect them. We don’t feel ashamed for so many things we do. But don’t worry I feel ashamed about the perfectly normal, unavoidable periods I get every month…

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