The confusion within

I wish I did not have to hide.
“Consider me normal the way I am”
My pleading eyes,
Is that too much to ask? ( I don’t think so)
Will they love me like they used to,
when they come to know?
They might, They might not.
That risk is one that I am never willing to take.
And hence my secret remains a secret…
The God I believe in, The religion I believe in
Curses my existence.
How does someone come into terms with that?
How do I go against my beliefs? My religion? ( Do I believe it anymore?)
And by embracing this, haven’t I already gone against it?
I have lost my way, gone against my “culture”, murmurs people.
Have I also gone against God? Is that even possible?!
I am also his creation. He created me.
Like this.
To this God I tell. To those people I tell.
I tried hard to stop what I feel… Really Really hard
The more I tried, the more I failed.
I shushed what I felt. Acted dumb.
As I grew, I had to deal with it alone.
When I fell in love or lust or whatever,
I was ashamed…Nobody knew..
Left alone, with a deep dark secret,
in a world of familiar faces.
No memory as painful as that…
I wish I could come out to the world.
Loud and clear. About who I am.
And who I will be my whole life.
All I want is acceptance and peace.
All I want is to be me.


2 thoughts on “The confusion within

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